Today I am struggling with Imposter Syndrome. In fact, I’ve had a sense of this for a few days now. I feel tired, fed up and off my game.
This is the 4th attempt I have made at writing to you today. I have so much to say, and yet, I’m holding back a lot.
Why? Because shit is about to get really real. I’ve noticed that when I’ve been writing to you, I’ve not been talking about a lot of the things I really want to.
I mean yes of course, I truly do mean what I say in my Love letters but, its not enough.
The things I really want to talk about, and know that I need to are joy, connection, vulnerability, toxic behaviours, family dramas, friendship woes, emotional abuse to name a few.
Why am I being the Ostrich that I mentioned in my last post?
Because the dreaded Imposter Syndrome has got me. That little b*&^% who sits on my shoulder when I am about to step into a deeper space and says “you cant do this, who are you to try?”. I know you know her too, and I know that she eats away at your confidence and self belief just like she does mine.
Now, you’re nodding along, but are unsure of what to do.
Well, the first thing I do is, take a time out. Today I have booked in some time to journal on whats going on. To figure out why she has made a sudden reappearance, and to have a chat with her about how I am going to move forward, regardless of what she thinks.
I say “she” her name is actually Ruth. It may become apparent one day if I ever write about who Ruth is and the place she once held in my life.
Which brings me onto the second tip in tackling Imposter Syndrome. Its a really powerful tool to turn it into an actual character. It makes it so much easier to face her, to look her or him in the eye and ask them what their problem is.
Thirdly, gratitude. No, I don’t like it when Ruth shows up, which isn’t that often these days, but, I learn what I can, thank her and then continue.
Final thing is to share, as I have done now, and I already feel better for it. Speak to someone you trust, someone that wont judge or ridicule and just say “I’m scared/nervous/unsure”. Name it, because as soon as you do it’ll start to lose its power over you.
You can do this with anything, your inner critic, shame, whatever it is. Make them a real character, give them a voice, have a conversation with them, and then draw a line in the sand and move on.
With that, I’m off, I’ve got some work to do with Ruth, and then a lot of unapologetic writing once she’s gone.