Are you playing the role of the victim in the story of your life?
Lets start with a question. How do you feel on a Sunday evening? Honestly they used to fill me with complete and utter dread. The thought of another 5 days of commuting and sitting at the most boring job in all the world.
I spent so many years moaning about my career. I worked almost two decades in Corporate Finance. Not once did I ever really enjoy it. But I accepted it, telling myself that I would never get anything better, I wasn’t worthy of it. It was my lot to be miserable in my work and in life generally.
What else could I expect? Fulfillment, contentment, joy, they were all meant for other people and not me.
It was the same in past relationships with men that cheated, were abusive, manipulative, cruel…”thats what you deserve Rachel” was the continual inner dialogue.
I was in whats known as Victim mode.
Thats not something that felt good when I realised it, but thats what was happening. I was caught in a cycle of behaving like I had no control over anything, that the world was out to get me, I was being picked on, I was helpless.
All of that was so far from the truth, but at the time it felt like there was no alternative reality. Everything & everyone else was to blame for my life but me.
Coming to terms with that was both hugely painful and frightening, but it was also the first step along the path to change.
Its so easy to have a moan isn’t it? The moaning becomes a bit of a comfort blanket, misery loves company and all that.
Even though every day your shoulders bear the weight of the world, even though every day you sigh and feel miserable, it is still easier to stay in the world of the victim.
You can’t and won’t be blamed for being a victim, certainly not by me anyway. But, if you are someone that does any of the following, then I’m afraid that its highly likely that you are living life as a victim.
You feel helpless in your relationships.
You frequently feel sorry for yourself.
You often wonder “why me?”
You seek a quick fix to your problems.
You feel like good things only happen to other people.
You find it easy to put the blame onto others.
You fail to take responsibility for your actions.
You believe that “its just the way it is” and you must accept it.
Squirming in your seat a bit? Jolly good then. Its not an easy pill to swallow, but swallowing it & therefore owning it is an absolute must if you are ever to move forward.
As my own Coaching practice evolves I am working in this area more and more. People with similar experiences to me are seeking me out, asking me to help guide them out of this disempowered position.
The thing is, and I always tell them this, the minute they reach out to me, they are deciding that they don’t want to be the victim anymore. They are done with self pity, with “please feel sorry for me” stories. They’ve realised just how much of themselves they are letting down and keeping hidden by being this way.
Conversations around this can be tough. Its not nice to hear, but it is the truth for millions of people.
What about you? Be honest with yourself…are you playing the victim?