Life in leafy West Sussex is good. But, its also pretty busy. Take this for an example.
I was meant to be getting my son’s bottle ready before he went to bed. But, on the way to the kitchen, I stopped to pick up and move a pair of shoes, I wiped the sides down, and noticed the washing machine needed emptying and reloading. Twenty minutes later, I had still not done the bottle.
Sound familiar? Thats mental load, and its really having a big old negative impact on us.
What did you see in your home growing up? In mine, my Mum did everything, and I don’t remember her complaining about it. I do remember her being knackered and grumpy a lot of the time. I wonder now what would have happened if she had opened her mouth and voiced how she was feeling?
You see, from day one we are absorbing our surroundings and what we see, those things become our blueprint. So its both girls and boys that saw Mum doing it all, and Dad sat with his feet up, or doing things but begrudgingly. Its no wonder that the men we choose to spend our lives with aren’t on the same page as us with this stuff.
I feel like my mental load is pretty good. I am fortunate to have a husband that does more than his share around the house, and without asking. But I still bear the weight of most of the life admin or Ladmin if you will. I do love word merging. Anywho, I digress.
Its still on me to remember birthdays (which I often forget), appointments, spare changes of clothes for nursery etc. I’m good with that, because I am aware of what I need in support, and am comfortable asking for it.
I don’t know about any other relationship dynamic other than my own. I wont pretend to either, but I am curious as to why as women we don’t open our mouths more about what we need? He’s not a mindreader after all, and as I mentioned he is coming from this with his own beliefs and stories intact. So we need to ask for what we want. Why aren’t we? What are we afraid he might say or do? Are we making up a story about that before we’ve even got the words out?
Busy doesn’t always equal success, or effectiveness, or productive. Busy can be darting from one thing to another without actually making progress because we are trying to do it all. What can you start to let of of, what one thing could you put down in order to lessen your mental load?