Lets talk about sex…and about shame shall we?

Lets talk about sex and shame shall we? There is still a huge stigma around asking for help. Its seen as a sign of weakness which is so f*cked up its unreal. If you've hurt your back you'll go to phsyio or a chiropractor. At the very least you'll go to your Doctor. You wont suffer with it continually because thats too painful. But when there is something hurting in your heart or mind. You'll sit on your hands and ignore it, and keep on ignoring it until its so embedded in who you are that you tell yourself you can't now be without it. *heart breaks a little* Its a layer of shame being spread all over your life and its not helping you at all. Shame is a monumental road block if you give it that much power, [...]

2019-04-23T10:52:44+00:0023 April 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Permission to be angry

Lets talk about us as angry humans. Did you know that in parts of ancient Greece, it was preferable to commit suicide than to publicly display anger? Just think about that for a second, an emotion deemed so completely wrong that the general consensus was it was better to end it all than express how you felt. Thats a pretty horrifying glimpse into history, but the ancient Greeks were certainly not the only ones to have strong views on anger and how it should or shouldn't be seen. Even now, we don't like to see people get angry, why? Because we've all been told its a bad thing. Quite often my clients are struggling to articulate difficult feelings. They very rarely mention anger, even though its there simmering away, begging to be let out. Thats especially true for female clients, [...]

2019-04-14T07:11:27+00:0014 April 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

You’re responsible for your own Monkey

Being responsible for a Monkey? What the heck am I talking about? Well let me explain. I was out for dinner the other day with some of my girlfriends. One of them is a mental health nurse and I am truly fascinated with the work she does. We were talking about what people were looking for when they seek help in one way or another, and the danger of it turning into a codependent situation. She introduced me to the phrase "I don't want your monkey" and my immediate reaction was to laugh, but as she explained it made total sense, and so I am adopting it and telling people about it everywhere. Essentially it means this. A person enters a Coaching space and says "here, these are my problems, you need to solve them for me"...they have essentially handed [...]

2019-04-08T09:36:42+00:008 April 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Judgement Sunday

How often do you worry about judgement from other people? Last Sunday was Mother's Day, and rather than spend the entirety of it with my husband and son, I decided to take myself out for brunch. A couple of delicious hours with freshly cooked hot food, a hot drink, and pages and pages of the latest book I'm reading. I've been excited about it for weeks. However, on the walk to the restaurant, I felt a little anxious. What would people think of me dining alone? Would they mutter, would they stare? Perhaps I wouldn't enjoy it and would feel awkward. My warm glow of anticipation was being hampered by a niggle of doubt in my tummy. Do you know what? Some people did stare, but here is the thing. I have absolutely no idea what they were thinking. The [...]

2019-04-02T10:17:51+00:002 April 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Feeling all of your feelings

Its been a bit of a whirlwind in life this week feelings wise. Its not relevant to go into details, but I have got some stuff going on. Stuff that is heavy to process, and is hurting my heart. This is the sort of thing we grow up being taught to gloss over, with a plethora of unhelpful statements from others "chin up" "stay positive" "look on the bright side" Now, I am a huge advocate of positive thinking for sure, but what I am more an advocate of is being really bloody honest about how we feel. To get real and admit that we are struggling. Its part of being human after all. It would be so easy for me to go out on a spending spree, or dive into a Social Media hole and spend hours and hours [...]

2019-03-22T14:23:21+00:0022 March 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

What is happy?

"I just want to be happy". How many times have you said this or thought it? Many, many times I'm sure. Thats understandable, 'Happy' is apparently everywhere. We tell ourselves that everyone else is happy, a story only exacerbated by the wonder that is Social Media. Perfect photo's showing the highlight reel of someones life. I think happiness is actually a bit of a trick, a never ending quest to frustration. I mean, what is happy? I can guarantee that if everyone on my mailing list answers me that question, every answer will be different. But it's so important right? How many of you heard this when you were growing up? "I don't care what job you do as long as you're happy"? or "I don't care what he/she does for a living as long as they make you happy". [...]

2019-03-18T09:42:58+00:0018 March 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Power of choice by a toddler

My son will be two this week. I'm not the first to say this and I wont be the last but we can learn a lot from our children. Particularly when they are that young. Recently, he's been teaching me about eating habits. He's a good eater, which I know is a huge blessing, but a couple of weeks ago he started to down tools about a third of the way through his evening meal, push his plate away and say "lolly please". Now, the socially conditioned part of my brain decided there and then that I wasn't going to go along with this. "No Edward, you eat your dinner first or there is no lolly". Echoes of my own childhood being pushed to the surface. We weren't going to back down to his demands, and so for a few [...]

2019-03-11T09:57:08+00:0011 March 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Toxic Relationships

  Toxic relationships are something that I have wanted to talk about for so long now, and I’ve been trying to pick apart why I haven’t. I guess it comes down to the fact that once it’s out there, then it’s out there. I can’t unsay it. Which is quite a vulnerable thing. But the other day I saw a post on Instagram that really stopped me in my tracks, in fact that this post hit me so hard, it was a sure sign that it was time, which feels powerful and liberating. This is the post that I saw “sick of the excuse “they’re still your Mum/Dad/Sister/Brother/Friend…etc”. No, toxic is toxic. You have the right to cut off anyone that’s unhealthy for you. Period. Now, some of you will really struggle to understand what I am saying here, to [...]

2019-03-04T17:12:13+00:004 March 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Are you a negative Nancy? Sorry to anyone called Nancy…

Here's an example of a negative mindset. "The problem with Fern's is that they are hard to grow and very expensive" said my mother in law to her daughter. "Its a lot of effort and it could be for nothing". This was part of a conversation relayed to me the other day when my MIL told me that her daughter was redesigning her garden and wanted a corner to grown ferns in. Now I don't know much about gardening, but I then proceeded to tell her that I wanted to grow tomatoes in hanging baskets this year. "Ah yes, but the problem with that is...". I zoned out at this point as I knew what was coming. Last year we told her that it was in our 5 year plan to move to North Devon. "Ah, but the problem with [...]

2019-03-04T09:24:36+00:004 March 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

A Life of Morals

Last week I went to see Stacey Dooley with a friend of mine. It was fascinating listening to her talk so passionately about her work, and about some of the more harrowing things that she has witnessed and reported on. There were a number of clips shown, and one of them in particular really hit me. It was of a woman being arrested in the Philippines, and her young children begging the Police not to take their mother away. What the children didn't know was that their mother was being arrested because she was planning on allowing Western men to have sex with her children for money. Now, as a human being I find that appalling, and as a mother that simply makes me feel sick. Stacey was visibly upset during this clip, but when the clip ended and she [...]

2019-02-19T11:00:57+00:0019 February 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments