When love doesn’t feel like love

"What happened to us" you wonder. "We used to be so in love" You’re staring off into the distance aren’t you? Zoning out of reality because it’s all getting a little too tiresome. ⁣ That row has reared it’s ugly head again, and chips away at you a little bit more.⁣ ⁣ Now you’re fantasising about a life without them in it, you feel brighter, there’s less tension in your shoulders, for a second you think about how great it could be to be solo, who you could be & where you could go. But then, as quickly as that thought arrived, it leaves you again, in its place comes fear, doubt, and a little voice that says “leaving would cause too much drama”.⁣ ⁣ You’ve been dancing with this for a while, should you stay or should you go. [...]

2019-08-05T11:33:21+00:005 August 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Whats the problem with Divorce?

In a client session this week, the topic of divorce came up. It was met with resistance & with fear...seen as a bad thing.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Why? Because the way we view marriage is all wrong. Being married for 10, 20, 50, 60 years does not equate to a healthy & happy marriage, but length of time seems to be at the top of the list when it comes to measuring marital success.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ It doesn’t matter that you are miserable together, it doesn’t matter that your sex life upped and left years ago, it doesn’t matter that you both feel frustrated, angry, resentful. It doesn’t matter that you’ve turned into each other’s favourite verbal punch bag. It doesn’t matter that you can’t remember any of the reasons why you are together. It only matters that you keep on racking up [...]

2019-08-01T12:22:03+00:001 August 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

The Victim. Are you playing one?

Are you playing the role of the victim in the story of your life? Lets start with a question. How do you feel on a Sunday evening? Honestly they used to fill me with complete and utter dread. The thought of another 5 days of commuting and sitting at the most boring job in all the world. I spent so many years moaning about my career. I worked almost two decades in Corporate Finance. Not once did I ever really enjoy it. But I accepted it, telling myself that I would never get anything better, I wasn't worthy of it. It was my lot to be miserable in my work and in life generally. What else could I expect? Fulfillment, contentment, joy, they were all meant for other people and not me. It was the same in past relationships with [...]

2019-06-09T20:47:58+00:009 June 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Are you ready for change?

Are you ever ready for change? In 2002 I gave up smoking. I’m not ashamed to say that up until the point that it wasn’t anymore, it had been one of my favourite things in the world. I started on my 16th birthday, boldly walking into the local newsagent and saying to the lady serving “well you know I’m 16 today, you have to serve me. I smoked a lot, even had a reputation for being a heavy smoker & it was something I owned proudly. Such was the state of my self esteem then. ⁣ But, I decided to quit, money being the motivator. I went cold turkey, i don’t even remember if nicotine patches had arrived in our world at that point. ⁣ I lasted 10 hours, before I thought I was going to lose the plot. I felt [...]

2019-06-07T20:01:15+00:007 June 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Change isn’t always supported

Some people will never get it. That’s one of the painful truths about growth & change. ⁣ “You’re crazy to leave him”⁣ ⁣ “But you’re so good at what you do”  ⁣ “What do you mean you want more? That’s just greedy”⁣ To them you are rocking a boat that they’ve been sailing plainly on for years. Your growth shines a light on their stagnation.⁣ But thats not your responsibility, not your burden to carry. Stepping up and into a better version of you isn’t for everyone. Some people will forever be standing on the sidelines with heavy hearts looking on while others decide that they won’t live one more day in mediocre land. ⁣ Don’t be a spectator, take part. If you are finally tired of your own bullsh*t then don’t compromise. Make a choice about who you want [...]

2019-06-06T17:08:26+00:006 June 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Do you really believe that?

Do you ever hear someone speak & think to yourself “oh my, how sad that they believe that” (or something similar). ⁣ You can’t fathom how that can exist in their head & be driving their life. It’s seems absurd right?⁣ ⁣ You know that the belief they hold isn’t true, it’s something that they are owning, that perhaps serves a purpose for them. But it’s not based in fact.⁣ ⁣ Now ask yourself how many of those thoughts you have yourself. How many stories are you living by that you have no evidence for? There will be a few I’m sure of it.⁣ ⁣ How can you reframe those stories? How can you write new ones that does work for you, that are based on evidence or that centre around your true values? ⁣ ⁣ If you are struggling [...]

2019-06-05T12:04:24+00:005 June 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Boundaries are a form of self-care

I wanted to talk to you about something that I know to be crucial when it comes to growing as a human being, and that is setting boundaries and not being sorry for them. First of all, be aware of the stories that you are telling yourself about what people can and can't handle. Thats not for you to decide, if something needs to said then you must say it. You get to choose how you do it, but don't choose not to do it. Secondly, its never too late to set a boundary, it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, how much you love and care for them, or how long something has been a certain way. If you feel it needs changing, then go with it. Ask for what your heart truly needs. The truth is, boundaries [...]

2019-05-23T14:37:51+00:0023 May 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Are you okay?

Are you okay? I mean are you really okay? Just this afternoon a very good friend messaged me with a family crisis. It sounded like she was in so much pain, so confused, so unsure and had turned to me to support her. In her own words, she couldn't handle it, and couldn't hide it. I replied that I was sorry that she was hurting so badly, and asked what she needed from me exactly. Her next message 5 minutes later, sounded like it was a completely different person speaking. Apparently everything was now fine, she was fine. I know she isn't okay, I also know that merely admitting something was going on was gutsy for her to do. Right now thats all her brain will allow her to share. So instead, she's doing the brave face thing...thats no good [...]

2019-05-12T20:45:00+00:0012 May 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Growth needs permission

Lets talk a bit about growth and permission. On Friday I attended an event in London run by my own Business Mentor where the theme was Growth. I spent the day in a room with about 80 other women with their own businesses, plus 7 absolutely kick ass speakers. Growth is a tricky thing, sometimes it can feel like you are flying along, and other times like you are just spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast. There is an illusion that growth is linear, but its not. Growth involves many different directions, it also involves rest. Nothing blooms all year round, and neither do you my dear. But in the rest comes rejuvenation, reflection and renewed focus. Something else about growth, a lot of the time you have to give yourself permission to do it. That slapped me in [...]

2019-05-06T14:15:57+00:006 May 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

When Imposter Syndrome Strikes

Today I am struggling with Imposter Syndrome. In fact, I've had a sense of this for a few days now. I feel tired, fed up and off my game. This is the 4th attempt I have made at writing to you today. I have so much to say, and yet, I'm holding back a lot. Why? Because shit is about to get really real. I've noticed that when I've been writing to you, I've not been talking about a lot of the things I really want to. I mean yes of course, I truly do mean what I say in my Love letters but, its not enough. The things I really want to talk about, and know that I need to are joy, connection, vulnerability, toxic behaviours, family dramas, friendship woes, emotional abuse to name a few. Why am I [...]

2019-04-29T10:30:17+00:0029 April 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments