Here’s an example of a negative mindset.
“The problem with Fern’s is that they are hard to grow and very expensive” said my mother in law to her daughter. “Its a lot of effort and it could be for nothing”.
This was part of a conversation relayed to me the other day when my MIL told me that her daughter was redesigning her garden and wanted a corner to grown ferns in.
Now I don’t know much about gardening, but I then proceeded to tell her that I wanted to grow tomatoes in hanging baskets this year. “Ah yes, but the problem with that is…”. I zoned out at this point as I knew what was coming.
Last year we told her that it was in our 5 year plan to move to North Devon. “Ah, but the problem with Devon is that the weather is dreadful in the Winter, and theres not much to do”. Er hello, did you see the weather this weekend? It was atrocious. Its called ‘living in the UK’.
I love my MIL, she has a heart of gold and would do anything for her family. However, I can guarantee you that any time you mention to her that you want to try something new, move to another part of the world, or grow your own tomatoes, the first thing out of her mouth will be a limiting belief about why you shouldn’t. She is stuck in a negative mindset.
The scary part is, she doesn’t even know she is doing it.
That way of being is so ingrained in her, that she doesn’t ever question it. It is accepted as fact.
Yesterday we were talking about her doing more exercise to strengthen her leg (she broke it at the end of last year). Suggestion after suggestion was offered, all met with a “yes BUT”.
Immediately a newly created path towards better health and wellbeing was closed off with a barrier.
Can you recognise this in yourself? Are you someone that says “yes BUT” a lot? Or a person that can think of a hundred reasons not to try or do something new?
If you are then you are not alone. This way of being is rife among women. Generation after generation limiting themselves because their brains cannot see an alternative. Thats not your fault by the way, but it is your responsibility to take ownership of.
So what can you do about this my darling? You get bloody curious about EVERYTHING. You start to question EVERYTHING.
Anytime you notice yourself thinking “I can’t because” or “yes but”, I want you to take the time to recognise where that is coming from. Is it something you really even believe? Have you come to that conclusion because of another person? Is it fear thats talking?
Start to decide what is true for you. Not anyone else. It takes practice, and it takes you loving yourself enough to choose a better way of being for yourself.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but honestly it is the first step in helping you go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It is the first step to you setting yourself free.